We couldn’t have said so better ourselves:
Apparently YourCompany has really degraded – not just in the quality of their products, but to the point of being a spammer. I have, with EVERY EMAIL YOU SENT US, clicked your unsubscribe links. When we chose not to renew last year, we told your predecessor, your sales department, your support department, and your billing department that we were no longer using your patch management product.
Why? Well, for one thing, the damn thing just didn’t work. We were constantly fighting to keep it running, and having to patch this or update that. All in all, we never got it successfully patching anything – not even a pair of jeans, let alone a complex work of art like Windows Server 2012. We looked at a competing product and had it working within minutes. MINUTES, Cortney. Compare that to the MONTHS I had a seasoned engineer mucking about with YourCompany Software Product. My forehead gets a flat spot on it when I facepalm at the thought of how much time and money I wasted on that effort.
That remains true today. We switched to a competitor. We’re not coming back. Please stop asking. This is like a bad relationship with a crazy ex-girlfriend that I just can’t convince that it simply wasn’t meant to be. Only I’m past the point of saying “it’s not you, it’s me” and have graduated to “TAKE ME OFF YOUR DAMNED LIST BEFORE I GET A DAMNED RESTRAINING ORDER.”
For the love of Swiss cheese, please, remove any email address with “example.com” in it from your mailing list. If there was any hope of us buying your products before, it has now perished, being swept away like dreams of yesterday, or empty wine bottles from last night.
Sorry, we don’t want your product, and we don’t want any more email from YourCompany.com. If your mailing list administrators can’t see fit to remove us from your lists, as we’ve repeatedly requested, don’t worry! I’ll just blacklist you at our mail servers.
Client: Can we back up our documents in the cloud?
Tech: Yes, this is possible. Is the goal to recover from accidental deletion, an outage on service provider’s end, or other?
Client: We want a back up so we have them in case of whatever happens.
Well, that narrows it right down!
Here’s a story about backups…
- Client told tech her CD-ROM wasn’t working. Client was trying to write to a CD on a CD reader (not writer).
- Tech asked “what are you trying to do?”
- Client explained that they make backups of Excel documents to CD, or at least, they used to.
- Tech made a note to get back to them.
- Tech was busy, so I got back to her, asking “what are you trying to back up?”
- Client said “I think we’re all set because everything is backed up to the server, right?”
- I said “no, your stuff is on your local hard drive, not the server, so it is NOT backed up.”
- Client replied “We will just back up to thumb drives, so we are all set.”
- I said “That is the sort of thing most of our clients stopped doing ten years ago, in favor of automatic backups.”
- Client replied “I’m confused. I thought everything was getting backed up.”
So… what are we discussing here?
A new client called to inform us their Internet was down. I called, and they put me on with the technician from the telephone company, who informed me he was there to set up their new Internet service. Naturally, we knew nothing of this, because you only call your IT consultants when things break, not with any sort of advance notice, right?
Telco technician: “I plugged in the router, and it doesn’t work.”
Me: “What kind of router is it?”
Telco technician: “It’s a Cisco.”
Me: “More specific…? Model?”
Telco technician: “You’re asking the wrong guy.”
Me: “Then maybe you shouldn’t be trying to set up their Internet connection!”
Client just called asking if we knew her password, which she claims we set for her, in 2010. (We did not.)
This client hasn’t done business with us since last year.
She also has been using this password for the last two years, but apparently forgot it today…
Stupid word of the day: Stupiphany (from the Urban Dictionary).
A sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something very basic, annoyingly obvious, or – in hindsight – really stupid. The person having the stupiphany is generally greatly excited, while observers just shake their heads at how obvious the answer was. Continue reading
Good morning Me,
I wanted to reach out to you in regards to your expired SOFTWARE A maintenance. Please let me know if you would like a pricing quote so I can get this renewed for you. I look forward to hearing from you.
*Maintenance covers your definition updates, upgrades, and technical support*
Vendor, Renewal Sales Representative
We have switched from SOFTWARE A to SOFTWARE B.
I am sorry to hear that you will not be renewing your VIPRE subscription and I will update our records accordingly. If I may ask, was there any particular reason(s) for that choice? ThreatTrack Security always strives for the best product and support. Any information you could provide would be greatly appreciated.
You DO realize that SOFTWARE B is also made by your company, right?
Today’s post comes from Seth Goden’s blog, in a post entitled Canaries and Coalmines.
Actual email received from a CFO:
There will be a new employee starting at on Monday, July 15th. Her name is <FIRST LAST>, she is the new bookkeeper and will be using <OLD FIRST LAST>’s old system. Please set her up with an email account and log in for her computer. Also, accessing the internet on that system is problematic as it brings up a laptop website and does not allow you to do a web search for anything. It would be great if she could be ready to roll with the computer stuff when she arrives.
The “problem” here is that the CFO does not know how to “access the Internet” unless Google is the home page. Stupid Internet.