Stupid Bluetooth

Live Chat: Hello
Me. Welcome to LG Electronics U.S.A. Support only. How may I provide you with excellent service today?

Live Chat: Hi Me!
Live Chat: How may I help you today?
Me: Hello. Periodically, my headset’s microphone, when paired with an iPhone, stops transmitting.
Me: I am able to hear the other party just fine, but they cannot hear me speaking.
Me: I transfer the call to the handset, then back to Bluetooth, and they can hear me again.
Me: This has only happened with this particular headset – it does not happen with my Jabra or Logitech, when paired with the same iPhone.
Live Chat: I’m so sorry to hear that Me.
Live Chat: But I’ll do my bets to help you with this.
Live Chat: Have you tried unpairing the device to your phone, and pair it back again?
Me: Several times.
Live Chat: Have you tried pairing the device to other phones to see if it will also do the same thing?
Me: Unfortunately I only have one phone.
Live Chat: I see.
Me: I have paired it with other devices, but only those that play music (PC, iPad), not using the microphone, so I can’t reliably reproduce it with another device.
Live Chat: But may I know what iPhone are you using?
Me: iPhone 5S
Live Chat: May I know what is the bluetooth version?
Me: Sorry, I’m not sure what you are asking for.
Live Chat: The bluetooth version of your iphone?
Me: https://www.apple.com/iphone-5s/specs/
Me: According to that, it is Bluetooth 4.
Live Chat: Well for this one Me for us to determine if the device is defective, we need to pair it to other device. \
Me: Okay. I have it presently paired with my MacBook Air.
Live Chat: Our bluetooth headset only supports bluetooth version 3.0.
Live Chat: HBS-750.
Live Chat: Well this could be a compatibility issue.
Live Chat: But for us to make sure its not defective, we need to pair it to other device that has 3.0 bluetooth version.
Me: Bluetooth 4.0 is backward-compatible with all other versions of Bluetooth.
Live Chat: Yes, bit not the headset since it is only 3.0.
Me: Bluetooth 4 has been out for nearly 4 years. Are you telling me this headset does not work with any phones newer than 2011?
Live Chat: Here is the specification of the device Me,
Live Chat: http://www.lg.com/us/cell-phone-accessories/lg-HBS750

<Note: This is the same page which I used to initiate the live chat session…>

Me: I see that. But Bluetooth 4 is backward compatible with Bluetooth 3. Nobody makes Bluetooth 3 phones anymore. Are you saying that this headset only works with Bluetooth 3? Notice:
Live Chat has exited the chat session.
Live Chat: I really do apologize for this.
Live Chat: But in case you device is defective, I can offer you our warranty service.
Me: Okay. How does that work?
Live Chat: Your unit has a one year limited warranty from the date of purchase. A receipt is needed to validate this. This warranty also does not cover physical, body, cosmetic or moisture damages to the unit.
Live Chat: If you paired it with other phone that has 3.0 bluetooth and it is still doing the same thing, I can offer you our replacement service.
Me: Well, that would require my finding and purchasing a 4 year old phone, which is a little more work than I’m able to put in right now.
Live Chat: No, we need the receipt for the headset.
Me: I will try to find a friend with an ancient phone to test this.
Live Chat: Actually an Android phone will do.
Live Chat: Is there anything else I could be of help?
Me: Do I have a case number or something to reference in case I have the same problem on a Bluetooth 3 phone?
Live Chat: I will document this case here under your account.
Live Chat: You just need to provide us you phone number for us to pull it up.
Me: Okay. SO that is on record as a result of this chat?
Live Chat: Yes Me.
Live Chat: Is there anything else I could be of help?
Me: No. Thank you.
Live Chat: You’re welcome Me.
Live Chat: Thank you for your time and patience. It has been a pleasure to assist you today. Should you have any further questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us again. Thank you for choosing LG Electronics. We appreciate your business. Have a great day! Notice:
Live Chat has exited the chat session.

Stupid call

Operator: “Central Station.”
Me: “Hi, This is Me returning a call from Your Boss.”
Operator: “Okay…?”
Me: …
Operator: “Did you want to speak with him?”
Me: “… yes. Yes, I would.”

 

Stupid questions

Registrar:

Hello Me,

We would like to apologize in advance for sending you this email even though you selected not to be contacted in future. Taking this into account, we understand that you may not wish to continue correspondence.

We have noticed that you are transferring your domains away. As we do appreciate you as a customer and would not like to lose your business with us, we have assigned special pricing to your account which makes you eligible to:

<<At this point Registrar inserts various promos and discounts we’re now eligible for here.>>

May we ask you to kindly describe the reason of your moving your domains from us in more details? Was there any difficulty that you faced?

We would greatly appreciate you providing as many details as possible, as this would help us resolve the issue sooner for you.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

——————
Regards,
Elena T.
Registrar Concierge Representative


 

Me:

What domain(s) is this regarding?

Thanks,

Me


Registrar:

Dear Name,

Thank you for getting back to us!

We would like to point out that special pricing has been assigned to your Registrar account permanently, so that you can take advantage of further purchases (registrations / renewals / transfers) with Registrar with discounted price. The affected domains are domain with the .com / .net / .org / .biz / .info TLDs.

No coupon code is required, discounted price will be applied in shopping cart automatically.

Please let us know if you have further questions.

——————
Regards,
Anastasia D.
Registrar Concierge Representative


 

Me:

I suppose I could ask what domains this was regarding, you know, in case someone was trying to hijack my account or something, but I think I know what the answer would be. Maybe I should reply anyway and see if I can get additional discounts!

Stupid balance

Dear Customer,

This is a courtesy message from Example Company.

Your account 1234567 balance has dropped below $10
Your current balance is $10

To change the balance threshold for balance notifications or if you do not wish to receive email notifications from our system anymore, You may do so by logging into the control panel and disabling this feature by selecting ‘Account Settings’ from the Main Menu.

Do not reply to this email, we will not receive your message. Email our support directly if you have questions regarding this email.

Regards,

Example Company

Stupid Distribution

Hi My Company Team,,

My name is Marnie, Account Manager from EXAMPLE Corporation. We are one of the largest distributors in the US with over $10 billion in sales in 2013 covering Microsoft, Symantec, Seagate, Kodak, Lexmark, Brother, Okidata, Kyocera, Ruckus Wireless, Muratec, Cisco, Avaya, Panasonic, Lenovo, Sharp, HP, Asus, Epson, Toshiba, Canon, and more Hardware and Software Products.

I am eager to begin our relationship with you. Great pricing, product
availability, and credit are all things that help you run your business. I feel strongly that we can be a great supplier for you and save you money.
We carry over 600 lines of computer hardware and software products and it is also possible for us to go out and add a line that you might need.

Feel free to revert back through my email or you can contact me directly at 555-555-555 if you have any questions.

Why EXAMPLE?
• Distinct, efficient, low-cost, business model
• Seasoned executive management team—many have been with EXAMPLE for 20+ years.
• Fortune 300 Company – ranked #XXX on Fortune 500 list—over $10Billion in sales in FY2013
• 32 years of operating history
• Consistent performer: 100 consecutive profitable quarters!!!
• Established long-standing industry relationships
• #1 HP, Lexmark, Kodak, Ruckus Wireless, Cisco, Okidata, Kyocera, Muratec, Panasonic, Lenovo, Sharp, Asus, Epson, Toshiba, and Canon, Symantec, StorageCraft Distributor
• 11 warehouses strategically located across the US (FL, GA, TX, MS, IL, OH, NJ, VA, OR, Ontario CA, and Fremont, CA)
• GSA Schedule
• NYSE: EXMPL

Thank you.

Marnie Name | Account Manager
EXAMPLE Corporation
Office: 555-555-5555 (Direct Line)
Toll Free: 800-555-5555 Ext. 5555
Fax: 555-360-5555
Email: MarnieN@example.com
LINE CARD: http://www.example.com/vendors
www.example.com/smbconnect


Reply:

Please speak with Annie Example, our Example Account Manager.

Thanks,
Me

Stupid Persistence

Here’s a stupid way to try to connect to a new prospect. There’s persistence, and there’s annoyance, and a fine line in between!


Date: 2014-11-18
Subject: Prospect, Let Me Introduce the My Company Solution

Hello Prospect,

My name is Jon and I wanted to introduce myself to Your Company. Looking over your website, some of the features you offer your customers today fall in line with what we look for in a partner.

I want to tell you how the My Company solution can help you save time and money managing your backups for your clients today and for the future to come. We are currently offering an Unlimited site license for oncoming partners and would like to share the offer with you.

When would be the best time to connect with you for 10 minutes to see just how we can do that?

Best,

Jon
Jonathan Name
Account Executive


Date: 2014-11-20
Subject: Prospect, I’m Looking to Connect

Hi Prospect,

I hope you had the chance to review the email I sent a few days ago and would like to connect for a few minutes to see how My Company can add value to Your Company.

Here is some of what Company has to offer:

Platform Features  Type A  Type B  Type C
 SMB Site (multiple users) 1 1 1
Cloud storage  3 TB  300 GB  100 GB
 File / folder  Included   Included   Included 
 SQL  Included   Included   Included 
 Exchange  Included   Included   Included 
 Local Recovery  Included   Included   Included 
 US-Based Support  Included   Included   Included 
 Physical imaging  Included   Included   Included 
 Virtual imaging  Included   Included   Included 
 QuickSpin  Included   Included   Included 
 Bare Metal  Included   Included   Included 
 Compliance  Included   Included   Included 
 RMM and PSA Integrations  Included   Included   Included 
 Additional Cloud Storage  .15/GB  .25/GB  .30/GB

 

We are currently offering our partners an unlimited site license for each of their clients as you can see above.

Would you have some time today to take a quick call?

Regards,

Jon
Jonathan Name
Account Executive


Date: 2014-11-24
Subject: Prospect, I’m Interested to Learn about Your Company

Hi Prospect,

Do you have any interest in learning about the My Company backup solution and our partner program?

It will only take a few minutes for both of us to determine if My Company and Your Company would be a worthwhile partnership.

Do you have five minutes to speak today?

Kind Regards,

Jon
Jonathan Name
Account Executive


Date: 2014-11-26
Subject: Prospect, Do you have 5 minutes?

Hi Prospect,

We have never met, but I was looking over your company’s website and noticed how Your Company provides peace of mind to their clients by backing up their critical data, ensuring they are always in business.

Here at My Company, we have developed an all-in-one backup solution for companies like yours, providing the necessary features and functionality to support all of your clients backup needs.

Do you have 5 minutes today to determine if we would be a good fit for one another?

All the Best,

Jon
Jonathan Name
Account Executive


Date: 2014-12-02
Subject
: Prospect, Just busy or not Interested?

Hi Prospect,

I have been trying to connect with you in regards to the My Company ECHOplatform backup solution.

We have created an all-in-one centralized management portal for MSP’s just like yourself that is a robust, business grade backup solution.

Let’s connect for 5 minutes, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed!

Best,

Jon
Jonathan Name
Account Executive


Date: 2014-12-04
Subject: Prospect, Should I keep trying?

Hi Prospect,

I have tried to contact you over the past few weeks on how MSPs are using My Company for their local, offsite and virtual backup needs.

I am going to close your file on my end so I don’t become a pest. However, I do think we can add value to your organization so I encourage you to keep my details on file for when you’re ready to explore My Company’ Partnership.

We are offering all new partners a new pricing package: enabling you to offer your clients to backup Unlimited devices for a fixed low monthly cost!

Regards,
Jon

Jonathan Name
Account Executive

 


Date: 2014-12-04
Subject: Re: Prospect, Just busy or not Interested?

Hi Jonathan,

Lil’ late for that whole “not being a pest” thing.

Best,

Prospect

 

 

Classic Stupid Tech Support Urban Legends

These stories have been circulating the Internet for years. They may not be true, but they sure are stupid.


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it..


Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


From the days before wireless…

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK!
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.


Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer..


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’


Tech support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
Bob: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Bob: What do you mean?
Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.
Bob: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!