Author: !stupid

A new client called to inform us their Internet was down. I called, and they put me on with the technician from the telephone company, who informed me he was there to set up their new Internet service. Naturally, we knew nothing of this, because you only call your IT consultants when things break, not with any sort of advance notice, right?

Telco technician: “I plugged in the router, and it doesn’t work.”

Me: “What kind of router is it?”

Telco technician: “It’s a Cisco.”

Me: “More specific…? Model?”

Telco technician: “You’re asking the wrong guy.”

Me: “Then maybe you shouldn’t be trying to set up their Internet connection!”

Client just called asking if we knew her password, which she claims we set for her, in 2010. (We did not.)

This client hasn’t done business with us since last year.

She also has been using this password for the last two years, but apparently forgot it today…

Stupid word of the day: Stupiphany (from the Urban Dictionary).

Vendor:

Good morning Me,

I wanted to reach out to you in regards to your expired SOFTWARE A maintenance. Please let me know if you would like a pricing quote so I can get this renewed for you. I look forward to hearing from you.
*Maintenance covers your definition updates, upgrades, and technical support*
Vendor, Renewal Sales Representative

Me:

Hi Vendor,
We have switched from SOFTWARE A to SOFTWARE B.

Thanks,
Me

Vendor:

I am sorry to hear that you will not be renewing your VIPRE subscription and I will update our records accordingly. If I may ask, was there any particular reason(s) for that choice? ThreatTrack Security always strives for the best product and support. Any information you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.
Vendor

Me:

You DO realize that SOFTWARE B is also made by your company, right?

Today’s post comes from Seth Goden’s blog, in a post entitled Canaries and Coalmines.

Actual email received from a CFO:

There will be a new employee starting at on Monday, July 15th. Her name is <FIRST LAST>, she is the new bookkeeper and will be using <OLD FIRST LAST>’s old system. Please set her up with an email account and log in for her computer. Also, accessing the internet on that system is problematic as it brings up a laptop website and does not allow you to do a web search for anything. It would be great if she could be ready to roll with the computer stuff when she arrives.

The “problem” here is that the CFO does not know how to “access the Internet” unless Google is the home page. Stupid Internet.

Today’s post comes from the brilliant Tom Segura, whom we’d like to have as a guest blogger here at I Can Haz Stupid.

Tom Segura – Stupid People

The humor in this document will likely only be readily apparent to those who work in information technology or information security. Those of you who don’t are free to skip on to the next post. Continue reading Stupid Banking System Requirements

Every now and then, some idiot types my email address in as their own. This has happened to people applying for jobs, ordering stuff, telephone service, and, most recently, when an idiot signed up for some gaming service using my Gmail address. Our two email addresses are nothing alike. Our names are similar, but not that similar. There’s no reason for this mishap, other than stupidity.

So today, I got a chat request from this idiot, which, since I don’t know him, I simply ignored. Shortly after, I received this email:

Subject: hello man plsss i need ur help pls just say me that ur reading my mails and ill write all that u need to know that im not  scamer or some idiot…i just need help from u coz i have register my game account on ur mail adress by mistake :S and sry bout that ….pls replay me anything

Uhm… yeah… you are some idiot.

Realtor: There is a problem with the sprinkler system. We need to have someone investigate. Do you know anything about this?

Me: I did receive an email from the trustee, mentioning maintenance on the sprinkler system, but she did not mention your message, so I do not know if this is related or purely coincidental.

Realtor: It is.

Me: It is related or coincidental. Got it. I like your logic.